The Top 17 Reasons To Get a New Car


 17>  Your passenger seat is on the National Register of
      Historic Places.

 16>  Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped
      to your steering wheel.

 15>  Stench from bodies in trunk becoming unbearable.

 14>  You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on
      a moped.

 13>  15 Minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car 3 days.

 12>  Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take
      "The Club."

 11>  When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct
      tape that windshield for you?"

 10>  While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if
      anyone was hurt.

  9>  Instead of leaking oil, it's leaking blood.

  8>  You never seem to get an answer at the AMC Gremlin
      help desk.

  7>  For the last five years, you've had to settle for making
      "vroom vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway.

  6>  Keep losing dates on left turns.

  5>  Your gas gauge measures in cubits.

  4>  Now barely fits 43 instead of the usual 50 clowns.

  3>  Traffic reporters start referring to you by name when
      discussing morning tie-ups.

  2>  Hasn't been the same since Hugh Grant borrowed it.


      and the Number 1 Reason To Get a New Car...


  1>  Your tires are balding faster than Michael Bolton.
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<Thanks to Robert Earl>